Time Machines Don't Exist
by Mereo Flere
Summary: Time travelers do.  Time machine's don't.


"Time Machines Don't Exist" by Mereo Flere

Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night.

A/N: A fic I posted on Beast's Lair before, filled with silly craziness. It's pretty short.

XXX

"Emiya-kun," Rin asked, tapping her foot impatiently. "Why is there a car in my driveway?"

"I drove it here," Shirou said, raising a brow. "I even waved at you as I was parking, remember?"

"Yes, I saw _that_," Rin said with a groan, palming her face as she did so. "But why exactly did you drive it here?"

"To pick you up!"

"Pick me up?" This time it was Rin that raised her brow. "Emiya-kun, I don't know if you know this, but I'm not the kind of fickle girl that will be fall for you simply because you have a 'motorized vehicle' – I just don't care for that sort of thing."

"No, no," Shirou said, shaking his head as he waved his arms in front of himself. "I didn't mean it that way. Tohsaka, I wanted to pick you up for a ride!"

"…again, Shirou, I'm not the kind of-"

" A car ride, Tohsaka."

"Oh," Rin said with a blink, covering her face with her hand to hide her embarrassment. "Well, why didn't you say so?"

Shirou sighed, before shrugging. "I tried… but, never mind. Are you coming or not?"

"You know," she said, crossing her arms. "You still haven't said where it is you want to take me."

Shirou smiled and shook his head. "It's not where, Tohsaka, but when."

"Come again?" Rin stared at Shirou. Did he hit his head or something? "Time isn't a location Shirou. You can't drive there."

"You can with a time machine!" Shirou said excitedly, holding up a finger.

"Emiya-kun, you can't build a time machine."

"Of course I didn't," Shirou said with a laugh. "Archer did."

"…Archer can't make a time machine either!" Rin said, stomping her foot.

"Then explain how he traveled back through time!" Shirou yelled, pointing at the non-believer.

"I summoned him," Rin said dryly, rolling her eyes. "Not with a time machine, but with the help of the Holy Grail."

"Exactly!" Shirou exclaimed, not deterred in the least. "So if the Holy Grail can let people travel through time, why can't my time machine?"

"Because it's a car, Emiya-kun."

"It's a delorean," Shirou corrected, nodding confidently. "Just like in Back to the Future I, II, and III!"

"…"

"Think of the possibilities, Tohsaka!" Shirou said, grinning wildly. "We can go back in time to the fourth war! Save Kiritsugu and his wife and Ilya all at once! We can even save your father and mother – maybe even your sister!"

"…my sister's still alive, Emiya-kun."

"Does being Shinji's sister count as 'still alive', Tohsaka?"

"…technically."

"…really?"

"Well, no, I don't, but… isn't he your friend?"

"Yes!" Shirou said, pumping a fist in the air. "That is why I'll save him from ever becoming a jerk!"

"…okay, I admit," Rin said, a defeated sigh escaping her lips. "It would be nice to be able to do that sort of thing… but are you really sure that it would work?"

"Of course it did. Archer made it, and he's a time traveler."

"Yes," Rin said, she still wasn't completely convinced. "But he's also you."

"That hurts, Tohsaka," Shirou said with a pout, feigning an injury. "Like a Gae Bolg to the chest."

"Still, even assuming he could make one-"

"-he did!"

"-why wouldn't he use it himself?"

Shirou blinked. He had never thought about that. "Maybe… he thought it was better left to me?"

"And that would be because…?"

"I can use it to become a superhero!"

"Which is exactly what he originally travelled back in time to stop, right?"

"…okay," Shirou admitted, scratching the back of his head. "That does sound a little strange."

"That's not the only thing that sounds strange," Rin said, staring at the 'delorean' – that was what Shirou had called it, right? "Your motorized vehicle has been ticking the entire time we've been talking."

"…ah, that's just the clock," Shirou said - though a hint of nervousness had started to appear in his voice.

"Which just happens to be counting down for no suspicious reason at all," Rin said, already starting to back away.

"Right," Shirou said as he looked back at the clock, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. "There's nothing suspicious about it at…

"…crap, there's only ten seconds left!"

"Run you idiot!"

XXX

Amazingly, both Shirou and Rin had survived the explosion. Rin's mansion, however, had not. All that was left of her home was the stone foundation as well as a few pieces of smoldering wood that had yet to be put out. Needless to say there was nothing left of the car itself, except the smell of burnt rubber and metal in the air.

"Emiya-kun," Rin said, visibly shaking with anger.

"Wait, I can fix this! All I need to do is build a time machine to go back in time and-"

**"I'm going to kill you."**

Shirou gulped, stepping away from Rin as a precaution. But he shouldn't panic – there was no way he could've known this would happen. Maybe she was just angry at Archer – yes, that had to be it! "By 'you', do you mean me or Archer?" he asked, hoping for the best.

**"Yes."**


End file.
